“Who said you can’t have your cake and eat it too?!….My kids did that’s who!
By now I should be working as a criminal forensic doctor solving crimes like they do on my favorite shows. Instead I am a work at home mother of 5, wiping boogers, changing diapers and helping with homework. Now before I move on let’s get one thing straight. I LOVE being a mother. There are no dull days in my household. One minute my kids are playing with dolls and action figures the next second they could be playing to the death in an all-out wrestling match. When I had my first child it was a bit easier for me I was still able to go to school, work and still make sure I had time for my little one. I don’t know about you all but for me it just got harder and harder but for some reason I could not figure out that it was “in the water” until after our 5th child. I think it is safe to say I now only drink bottled water. What really blows my mind is when I scroll through my newsfeed and I see people who looks like the perfect parents. I mean like really what is there secret? I still am trying to create that perfect formula. I used to get “down in the dumps” because I felt so useless to the family. I felt like all I could do was exist. For awhile that feeling turned to jealousy. How could people go on living their dream life and still have children. I could not wrap my fingers around it. By the time I was done getting everyone dressed I couldn’t even remember why we got all dressed up in the first place. Let alone have time to finish school.
Although I had these feelings going on inside of me I still had to muster up the energy to get up and be there for my little ones. After awhile I started noticing that I could be on my phone for hours at a time just scrolling through my social media sites seeing what everyone else was doing. I would see old friends traveling to beautiful places, people finishing their second degree and I would see people getting their own business started. I couldn’t stand any of them. Why should I? They got to do everything they wanted to do, still have kids and not to mention still have their pre-pregnancy weight. The Jealous bug had a huge bite on my arm and I didn’t even notice it. My social media “addiction” was getting out of hand. Crazily also my “addiction” is what helped me realize I had a problem. One day while scrolling through my newsfeed and looking into other people’s lives I came across an article talking about self-esteem. I felt like the article was calling out to me, so I clicked it of course. Once I was done reading the article I sat there pissed. Now don’t get me wrong the article was fantastic and it was meant for me. I was pissed because it took an article for me to realize that I the entire time I was sitting there wishing I was on that special vacation or wishing I had that perfect body I could have been had it from all the time I had wasted looking at everyone else. In that moment I decided to do something about it. Having five children did not mean I could not finish school and go out on romantic dates my love bug. I just had to be a little more creative with my ideas. Instead of always looking at why I could not do things I started to look at situations in a more positive light. I started school online and instead of complaining about not being able to go to the gym I work out at home. I must say it is always motivating to be doing squats and have your one year old standing there doing them with you or at least she is trying her best. I am even able to go out on dates because we have an awesome family support system where we can always count on them. The children even go to daycare part time so on my off days I can still have that “adult time”.
My point to this scenario is to not allow negative thoughts to overcrowd your judgment to be a better you. I am not saying my life is perfect by any means. Nobody’s life is perfect no matter how many “selfies” they may post on your newsfeed. You must get up and do what you want to do but do it with a positive attitude. Just because I had children did not mean my life ended. In fact, it had just begun. I just wasn’t ready to accept and enjoy it. Remember you can have you cake and eat it too….Unless it’s your birthday and right after the kids sing the happy birthday song, your daughter who just learned how to spell decides to spell her name in your cake with her finger. Then in that case the cake is clearly hers.